 |
||
| --> Interviews | ||
| | Back To Main Page | ||
|
|
| Eminem: Born Again! Betty's Exclusive Interview - Nov 19, 1999 | |
|
Anyone
watching MTV will tell you that Marshall Mathers, also known as
Eminem, Slim Shady and "Defendant," has broken out like
psoriasis. After listening to his angry tirades filled with juvenile
angst and contrived mayhem, I expected a rough man to saunter into
my suite at the Four Seasons for our interview. I was not prepared
for the fey, timid little boy who has, no doubt, grown up under
a barrage of taunts and insults (those directed at his "look"
would certainly fall comfortably under the expanding heading of
"constructive criticism"). It is with guarded jubilation
that I discovered that this trailer-tenor has become a born-again
Christian. I also have an exclusive preview of Eminem's new CD,
which is inspired entirely by Bible verses. Being based on our Lord's
Old Testament, of course, it will present no discernable departure
from his previous misogynistic and bloodthirsty rants. |
|
|
Betty
Bowers:
|
So tell us: who did Christine Aguilera pleasure first? |
|
Eminem:
|
Carson, then Fred. |
|
Betty
Bowers:
|
Well, one look at that harlot, my only surprise is that she waited to do them one at a time. Now, to you: I didn't realize you were an albino. |
|
Eminem:
|
I ain't no f----- albino! You want to dwell on my race but you could NEVER say that my s--- is whack because you know my s--- is tight. |
|
Betty
Bowers:
|
Scatological speculation aside, your eyes do look wildly dilated. Indeed, even the most strung-out girls in my Christian Crackwhore Ministry can't get their pupils to muster a gape like that. I'd say sunglasses would not be remiss even if you're not an albino. Not that I'm necessarily buying into your protestations in that regard, dear. So, tell us, are you now a born-again Christian? |
|
Eminem:
|
Yeah, I am down with the Bible. |
|
Betty
Bowers:
|
How did this miraculous change occur, dear? |
|
Eminem:
|
Well – dear – see? Everywhere I turn, I get s--- from posers that don't know me. Sticking a finger up my a-- about not being "politically correct" and s---. You know? People saying "you ain't supposed to say f-gg---" and "you ain't supposed to talk bout beating up b-tches." And Doctor Dre say -- |
|
Betty
Bowers:
|
What type of doctor is Dr. Dre anyway? Medical? PhD? |
|
Eminem:
|
Dre ain't a doctor. He just calls himself that to sound important. |
|
Betty
Bowers:
|
Oh, sort of like Doctor Laura. |
|
Eminem:
|
She is one hard b-tch. |
|
Betty
Bowers:
|
Perhaps, you two could do a duet. You seem to hate all the same people. |
|
Eminem:
|
Yeah, but I hate her, too! (laughs) |
|
Betty
Bowers:
|
Well, that hardly sets you apart, dear. |
|
Eminem:
|
Yeah, but she wouldn't be down with it since she isn't going to cooperate with my slams on her. |
|
Betty
Bowers:
|
No, self-hatred would require far too much introspection for her. Let's talk about something more pleasant. So, tell me, did you become born again to avoid coarse vulgarity? |
|
Eminem:
|
No, b----. I didn't f—king get f—king born-gain to do that! |
|
Betty
Bowers:
|
This is clearly a metamorphosis in its very earliest of stages. I assume, at a minimum, that you will no longer sing about, well, such uncivil inclinations as killing. |
|
Eminem:
|
Killing? Everyone is riding me about violence. Look, Saving Private Ryan was probably the illest, sickest movie I've ever watched, and I didn't see anybody criticizing that one for violence. |
|
Betty
Bowers:
|
That killing was done for God, dear. Indeed, the bullets our boys fired were from God in Heaven. The German bullets were coming, of course, straight from Satan. And the French . . . well, there were no French bullets were there? But I'm always grateful the French are cowards every time I wander among the unblemished buildings of Paris. Anyway, everyone America kills either has crude morals or crude oil. And all American war efforts are for the glory of God. |
|
Eminem:
|
Yeah, like carpet-bombing civilians in Dresden just cause we were p-ssed off at the end of World War Two? How is that different than a punk f-cked over and p-ssed just taking a semi to some f-cking fools at a shopping mall? |
|
Betty
Bowers:
|
Because those deaths are not paid for by tax dollars, dear. Anyway, let's get back to your purported religious conversion. What led you to Jesus? My website? |
|
Eminem:
|
No. (laughs) You see, Reverend Louis Sheldon from Traditional Values Coalition called me on the cell and told me that if I became a Bible worshipper it would help me out a lot with the press. See? |
|
Betty
Bowers:
|
By accepting Jesus Christ as your Personal Savior? |
|
Eminem:
|
No. Follow me, b-tch. You see, Traditional Values Coalition pay for all these focus groups and they know just what to say to the press. By being able to say that I was just stating my "Christian religious beliefs" instead of just personal stuff, they told me I could say all kinds of s--- and no one could touch me about it. Not even Newsweek. And what Sheldon said made sense. And so I read the Bible for the first time and I was down with it. God represents. I mean, God hates f-ggots and b-tches, too. See? He's cool! So now, when I sing about hating f-gs and sluts I can say "Hey man, I am talking bout my religious views!" And if anyone dares to question my saying it, I just say: "You're persecuting me for religious beliefs!" And how can they argue with that? God in the Old Testament said "stone the f-gs! Kill the b-tches!" See? I give props to Sheldon. He knows how to work it. So now, those f-ggots at Time and Rolling Stone can't touch me cause on my next CD everything is going to be totally tied into the Bible. And you wouldn't believe the f-cking s--- God has going down! I mean, here is an example of sample: |